(no subject)

thank fuck for small niche forms of social media. im not on main media at all anymore. no twitter, no facebook, no instagram. well-
Okay, I have an empty instagram sitting on my phone. I plan one day to show off kandi that I've made and other such art, but I have been concerned about how I would be recieved and the potential for online harassment. Honestly, that's the main reason, I feel. I would want to remain as private as possible, but I have to be somewhat open on at least one big platform if i want people to see what I have to offer.

I have the feeling of anxiety- that I'm not ready to be known. What if it went well and I got a bunch of orders that I couldn't fulfill for some reason or another?
Like, what if my carpal tunnel suddenly got really bad and I had to stop?

I have the feeling of anxiety. And, this feeling garuntees no future- it just is, unrelated to what may or may not occur, and it is informed by my own experiences. But the map is not the territory- well, the map of... this metaphore feels rather opaque.

Setting that aside
I feel better after being off most forms of social media.
I suppose I have the feeling of dread in returning to any major platform. I know that most indie art buisinesses these days basically need to put themselves out there like that to recieve positive attention and income. but my god i really don't want to be part of that world again. I wish there was any other way to do it. maybe i could go into local clubs and put up qr code fliers? it would get me out of my apartment and around people. though im quite the hermit i do enjoy energetic environments full of life from time to time, dancing, being around that happiness. I don't drink, but i'll likely be high on that pipe weed lawl
man i wanna try a hallucinagen. dmt especially. i want to connect with my deities and spiritual loves and see them and be with them vividly, i want to be within it all. it sounds so beautiful. one day, maybe. ayahuasca =w=

molly sounds cool but,, i would prefer to have it on rare occassion to preserve its beauty. a beauty i havent experienced... yet owo